If you don’t love and accept yourself, is it possible for you to be able to fully receive love and acceptance from others?
My short answer to that question is NO. The way we feel about ourselves spills over into all of our relationships and this I have found causes CONFLICT.
I am unsure when it began, but I realized this a few short years ago. I started to live my life trying to prove to everyone around me that I was ENOUGH. I wanted to prove I was worth being loved and accepted. I wanted to prove to everyone they had been wrong about me. All the times I was called
weak, sensitive and told I was not loved began to play over and over again in my head.
I will show them I would say to myself. Little by little I started lying saying, “I’m fine” when I was everything but. I started practicing more ways to hide my feelings by intentionally distancing myself from others. I taught myself to smile in the company of strangers & loved ones no matter how I really felt. I would think to myself
weakness & sensitivity don’t belong here. I believed maybe if I just did things right then I would be loved & accepted, and I would be ENOUGH. I wanted to fit myself into a mold so I could be loved and accepted by others. (Never realizing it wasn’t them I needed to be loved & accepted by……)
No matter what I did, no matter what I hid, no matter how much I lied I was constantly reminded I wasn’t accepted.
Side note: If a relationship you are in is making you feel like you aren’t enough/aren’t accepted and you constantly feel the need to “prove yourself” then maybe you should reevaluate and ask yourself some hard questions.
Relationships of all kinds are supposed to add to our lives not suck us dry and make us feel like crap.
While I have had some unhealthy relationships, I have also had some good ones. I now realize I ruined/caused issues in these good relationships due to not loving/accepting myself. Without love & acceptance for myself it was practically impossible for me to “absorb” love and acceptance from others.
I would constantly question every nice thing that was being done, because deep down I felt undeserving. I ended up pushing them away with my lying, my hiding, and my fake smiles. A person can only take so much right?
I knew this was all going on but it became who I was and I didn’t realize just how bad it had gotten until last year. The unfortunate events that took place during this time inspired me to write and share with others the truth about love & acceptance.
Unaccepting is a story from my book Beautiful Disaster. (—Click on title for more information.)
This story shows not only how cruel people can be, but just how cruel, unloving, and unaccepting I was…… to myself.
Learning that everyone is not going to love/accept you, is a very hard fact. I now see I had been trying to make myself believe I was ENOUGH all along. I believed the love and acceptance of others would help show me that.
But at the time I had no idea about the truth of love & acceptance.
It all starts from within.
The following is a quote taken from my book Beautiful Disaster:
I have found that acceptance is about having large amounts of compassion and patience. It is about knowing that failure may come, but so will victories. Acceptance is loving who you are and embracing who you are not. Acceptance doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it means everything is perfectly the way it’s supposed to be, including you.
Thank you for reading!