Bonjour my Readers/Subscribers !
I am so grateful to be writing today and sharing my journey with you. How is everyone? What are your plans for the weekend? I know I’ve been M.I.A from my blog for almost a month. With the stress of school, trying to take care of my mental health symptoms, trying to reach my personal goals, and go out and do some self-care/de-stressing it’s been a lot. I’ve started blogs and thought I had so much to say but then I didn’t know what to say, so I kept silent.
But despite everything, I do have some awesome upcoming blogs in the next few weeks! I will be interviewing people and providing more honest content, I am excited about! If you ever have subjects or things you would like me to talk about,review, etc. contact me ! I aim to help and inspire others !!!
Today I was inspired to write a poem about my current journey. I hope it inspires you ! (:
Reader Discretion Advised:
Poem Title: Focus
I have been a “ghost” lately. Hiding, being here, then there, but my mind constantly remains everywhere, whispering beware. Beware of the world that surrounds you. Beware of all the things that have been making you “feel” blue. Feelings are fickle they come and they go, I’ve been through this enough you would think I would know. One day it’s all smiles, I can conquer the world and anything “feels” possible.
The next day is pain where my mind is plagued with thoughts of the impossible. The pain continues to rain down on me. My mind, soul, and body.
Panic. Light-headedness. Heart racing. Unable to concentrate. Nausea. Jitters. Overwhelm. Chest pain. I just want it all to go away. So I grab the pills and I grab the razor and contemplate all the reasons I want to stay.
Death scares me but so does the pain. I remember where I used to live, in the dark constantly convinced I was going insane. There was no light to see or to focus on. The day I took the pills and tried to overdose, I just wanted to be gone. I hoped for sleep and for the pain to disappear, but I woke up and was surrounded by all my fears.
Failure. Relapse. Broken Relationships. Sadness.
I was in disbelief of what I had done, of who I had become. I never knew that such pain could push me to a point of where I wanted to be numb. I look at that person from 9 months ago, then looked at my reflection in the mirror and said “this isn’t so.”
Could that girl really be me? Engulfed in pain so deep that I couldn’t see, a healthy way to escape from my own misery. Instead I chose the pills as my way out. Out of the darkness that surrounded me.
The pain and misery still haunt me, just in a very different way. But I can still hear death calling my name, whispering, let’s play.
I am still inside the darkness, but now I can see a light. A light that glows so very bright.
When the pain comes the light is a symbol to me, that these are just feelings and tomorrow they will flee.
Focus, the light gently mumbles to me.
© 2018 Natasha R. Robinson
Thank you for reading !
Sending Love & Smiles,